As a parent, it can be deeply distressing to see your child struggling with unwanted intrusive thoughts. These thoughts, which can be disturbing and persistent, are a common issue among children and adolescents. This article, written by a Clinical Psychologist at The Lotus Psychology Practice provides guidance on understanding intrusive thoughts and practical steps to support your child.
Understanding Intrusive Thoughts
Intrusive thoughts are involuntary and unwanted thoughts, images, or urges that can cause significant distress. They are often repetitive and can be about anything. They can typically involve themes of harm, fear, or they often focus on 'taboo' subjects. It’s important to recognise that having these thoughts does not mean your child wants to act on them. The theme of intrusive thoughts can often follow a pattern based on a child's developmental age. For example, unwanted and intrusive thoughts for younger children may relate to being kidnapped, or germs, whereas for older adolescents they may focus on sex or sexuality.
Common Characteristics of Intrusive Thoughts:
Unwanted: These thoughts are not invited and often cause significant anxiety.
Disturbing: The content of these thoughts can be distressing or shocking.
Persistent: They can recur frequently, despite attempts to suppress them.
How to Help Your Child
1. Talk about the Thoughts!
The first step is to create a non-judgmental space for your child to talk about their thoughts. Intrusive thoughts can often trick young people into thinking that they mean something significant about them, or that they are the only one to experience them. Here are some tips on opening up a conversation about the thoughts:
Listen Actively: Pay attention and show empathy. Avoid interrupting or rushing to offer solutions.
Validate Their Feelings: Acknowledge their distress and reassure them that it’s okay to feel upset.
Share your own intrusive thoughts: Let them know that intrusive thoughts are common by sharing your own experiences of intrusive thoughts; whether that is an intrusive thought to quit your job or to laugh at the most inappropriate and unwanted times.
2. Learn About Intrusive Thoughts
Help your child understand that intrusive thoughts are a normal part of human experience. You can explain that:
Everyone Has Them: Intrusive thoughts are a common phenomenon, experienced by many people at different times.
They Don’t Mean Anything: These thoughts do not reflect their true intentions or desires.
They Are Not Dangerous: Having these thoughts does not mean something bad will happen.
A famous study by Purdon and Clark (1993*) asked nearly 300 people, none of which had a diagnosed mental health problem about how often they experienced certain intrusive thoughts. The findings revealed just how common intrusive thoughts are:
- More than 50% experienced the intrusive thought of running a car off the road (64% females; 56% males)
- 77% females and 69% of males experienced the intrusive thought that their home is unlocked and an intruder is present
- Over half of respondents had intrusive thoughts of a stranger naked (51% female, 80% male)
Sharing some of the results of the study can be helpful in normalising intrusive thoughts. The more that we try to suppress these thoughts, the more persistent they become, leading to increased anxiety and a stronger urge to perform compulsions. It's like trying to push a beach ball down in the sea... you can keep trying to push but it will keep popping up!
3. Teach Coping Strategies
Equip your child with tools to manage their intrusive thoughts effectively:
Mindfulness and Meditation: Practices that focus on being present can help reduce the power of intrusive thoughts. Encourage activities like deep breathing, guided imagery, or mindful walking.
Thought Labelling: Teach your child to label their thoughts as “just thoughts” without giving them undue importance.
Defusion strategies: Taken from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) a defusion strategy includes saying the thought out loud in a funny voice (think Donald Duck). The aim is to take the power back from the intrusive thoughts and reduce the intensity of the emotion.
Cognitive Behavioural Techniques: Work on challenging and reframing negative thoughts. Cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) techniques can be very effective in managing intrusive thoughts.
6. Seek Professional Help
If your child’s intrusive thoughts are causing significant distress or interfering with their daily life, it may be time to seek help from a mental health professional. Intrusive thoughts can often lead to compulsions, which are actions taken by an individual to try to reduce the distress caused by the obsessive, intrusive thoughts. Compulsions can manifest in various forms, such as excessive handwashing, repetitive checking, counting, arranging objects, or seeking reassurance from others. Read our article on Obsessive Compulsive Disorder to learn more.
Helping your child navigate the challenge of unwanted intrusive thoughts requires patience, understanding, and support. By creating a safe environment, educating them about the nature of these thoughts, and equipping them with effective coping strategies, you can empower your child to manage their thoughts and reduce their distress.
You can get in touch with us at The Lotus Psychology Practice to speak with the team who have specialist experience in supporting children and young people with intrusive thoughts and OCD.
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